A confident baby decision is within reach.
If you’re on this page, it’s likely you’ve spent some sleepless nights and stressful conversations in indecision over whether or not to have a baby.
If you have a baby...
Will your career crash and burn?
Will your relationship fall apart?
Will you ever feel like yourself again?
If you don't have a baby...
Will you regret it the rest of your life?
Will you wish you had children in old age?
Will life feel empty without kids?
You don’t feel a strong “Yes, I want this!” or “No, I don’t.” And the pressure is real.
Imagine being able to come to a clear, confident decision in as little as 30 days. You can release all your worries and get excited about moving forward with conception — or step happily into a life that is childfree by choice.
That is what the 30 Question Baby Decision offers you.
If you relate with any of these statements, you’re in the right place.
“I’m afraid that I’ll have to put my career on hold, and it pisses me off that my husband doesn’t face the same expectation.”
“I am already feeling jealous of the bond between my wife and our unborn child. I’m afraid that I’ll feel left out, and that the baby will receive all of my wife’s love and attention.”
“I hate to be late or to feel disorganized or out of control. I know that having a baby is inviting a disruptive element into my life, and I’m afraid I’ll feel stressed and resentful.”
“I love my alone time. I love spending time with friends. I love date nights with my partner. I hate that becoming a parent means losing all of that.”
“I have watched so many marriages that I thought were solid fall apart once they had kids, and I’m so afraid that’ll happen to us.”
What if I told you that it’s a good thing you have doubts about becoming a parent?
It means you’re taking your first step as a parent, thinking about the well-being of your potential child. You’re making a conscious decision. An informed choice. You’re telling the truth to yourself, which is the key to making a decision that’s right for you, not anyone else.
Because the truth is: having a child DOES impact every part of your life.
It will change your career.
It will change your relationship.
It will change your routines.
It will change your identity.
The good news is that it can transform all those parts of your life for the better. And — it’s not for everyone. Regret both ways is real.
In short: this is a decision you’re taking seriously, and your willingness to invest time in it is a sign that you will make the right decision either way.
You will make the right decision either way. I hope even just reading those words brings you comfort.
“A lot of people have kids before they even think about it, from what I've seen honestly. You just are told, you go through life, you get married, you have kids — it’s what happens.”
—Seth Rogen
Introducing 30 Questions to a Baby Decision
self-guided exercises that will give you clarity on having a baby, one way or the other
When you register, you’ll receive a beautiful e-book with 30 action steps that cover everything you need to consider and discuss when deciding whether or not bring a child into your life.
You can work through these at your own pace, and you also have the option to anchor and expand your reflection with coaching calls in which we go deeper into what you’re discovering about your desires, as well as answer all your logistical questions about conception, childbirth, and parenting.
You can complete this course by yourself or with a partner. It’s an ideal way for you to feel you’re making a true joint decision, versus two separate decisions that may or may not align, or one of you simply telling the other what you think they want to hear.
Over the course of the program, we’ll move through my signature 4-Step Process:
Connecting with your Truth
We’ll start the work of feeling into a yes or no, identifying the factors and voices affecting you, and laying the foundation for getting on the same page with your partner.
Laying it on the Table
We’ll name and examine your fears, obstacles, and desires and get a clear picture of what’s holding you back from both paths and what past triggers might be at play as well as finding more common ground as a team.
Information Reduces Fear
We’ll continue to break down your fears and work through solutions while setting achievable expectations for both paths - as parents or childfree. We’ll map out concrete plans for both as well as defining your dream experience, versus just trying to avoid worst case scenarios.
Ownership of Your Choice
This is when you step into full ownership of both choices to identify what still feels unresolved. We’ll finish with an action plan to keep exploring if you’re still undecided or determine the next steps on the journey to step into your future with confidence and excitement.
Talking to family and friends can be helpful. It can also make your indecision worse.
They enter all these conversations with their own baggage and agendas.
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Your parents who want grandchildren
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Your childless friend who wants the status quo
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Your parent friends who want playdates
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Your boss who doesn’t want to lose you to maternity/paternity leave
I’m not attached to whether you have a baby or not, relieving that pressure from your work in this book and our coaching sessions if you choose to add them.
The only thing that matters to me is that you make a decision you feel great about.
Whether you’ve already spent years trying to make a decision, or you’re just getting started, if you’re thinking about having a baby, this course is for you.
I developed this program after many couples who came to me to get pregnant realized they were undecided about having a child at all.
I realized there’s a need for another step in the process of preconception coaching: getting clear on your desire to have a child.
Because you can take the right prenatal vitamins, clear your home of toxins, and eat a perfect healthy diet, but if your heart is still conflicted about having a baby, you may hit some bumps in the road to conception that have nothing to do with your physical fertility.
Our bodies take their cues from our thoughts and emotions. So if your body is in a stress response, it will get the message that it’s not a good time for a new person to come into this world.
Birth is also a co-creation with spirit. No matter what your spiritual beliefs are, none of us knows exactly where we come from or what happens to us when we die. Inviting this sense of mystery and wonder into your decision, especially if you do have strong spiritual beliefs, can help you tap into thoughts and feelings you’re not aware of on the surface. Once you start exploring the deeper beliefs under your questions, you can receive more illumination than just making a pros and cons list.
Drawing on my 20+ years as a doula, birth consultant, and consumer advocate, I created this coaching program to give you the grace and space to dive into both possibilities for yourself and to fully imagine the two life paths that lie ahead of you.
Body, mind, heart, and soul — we will examine the role each plays in this process, and while I can’t guarantee you that you will be 100% certain at the end of our time together, I can guarantee that you’ll have explored EVERY aspect to consider when making this decision and that you’ll be crystal clear on the next steps you need to take.
What about my partner?
Babies can make or break your relationship…and it starts now.
Perhaps your partner is just as conflicted as you.
Maybe their mind is made up, and you’re the one in indecision mode.
Or maybe you worry they’ll do whatever you want just to make you happy without being honest about their true desires.
Whether you're on the same page or not, it can be helpful to have an outside perspective to navigate difficult conversations or conflicting desires and approach this as a joint decision.
The thing that private coaching can give you that a book or group program can’t is the full attention not only on your life and conception situation but on your relationship.
That alone can make the difference between a united couple or a couple out of sync from conception through your whole life together as parents or as a happy childfree couple.
I've helped many clients make this decision, and I can help you, too.
Step Into Motherhood
“Élan helped me stand my ground as a woman with choices, do my own research, shed my single self, and step into motherhood.״
Kelly M. Renn
Atlantic City, NJ
Empowered and Committed
“I left feeling empowered and committed to having the birth I wanted. Élan's wealth of knowledge opened doors for us.״
Carey Anderson
New York, NY
Nothing short of a miracle.
“Working with Élan before, during, and after my birth was nothing short of a miracle. She was an angel by my side.״
Jacquelyn Karnes
Portland, OR
How It Works
You can purchase the self-guided workbook on its own or add on a package of three coaching sessions to work through the material together.
If you opt to add on coaching, I recommend you schedule one session when you begin, one after you've completed the first 15 questions, then the last after you have completed all 30 questions. You can always add on additional sessions if needed. If you are working through the course with a partner, I strongly recommend you add on the coaching sessions if your budget permits.
Self-Guided Course
33$a self-guided course with 30 questions and action steps to make your baby decision- e-book
Self-Guided Course + 3 Coaching Sessions
333$add three coaching sessions with Élan for extra support to your self-guided workValid for 3 months- e-book
- three coaching sessions with Élan Vital
- even more peace of mind that your decision is the right one
Make this decision for you, not for anyone else.
Take the time to consciously choose becoming a parent, not becoming one by default or from outside pressures from friends and family or even the overwhelming cultural messages that your life will somehow be empty without children. Doing this work will help to ensure that no one can make you feel bad about your life or your choices.
This is one of the most important decisions of your life
This is one of the most important decisions of your life. Show up for it, invest in it, and prioritize the time to listen to and honor your truth.